19 November 2008

All by myself...

...I don't want to be all by myself any more. If you haven't guessed by now that just maybe I'm all by myself well I am. Hubby has gone to Sydney for a few days to lend support to his parents and his aunt who just had surgery to remove a lump which was confirmed as aggressive breast cancer. We found out his aunt (age 83) had breast cancer when I was in Sydney this last time getting my back fixed. Her surgery was today and hubby wanted to be there just in case, considering everything that is going on.

Yes once again our unbelievable saga continues. All in the matter of the next three days hubby's mom will have her next lot of chemo, his aunt will have her surgery and his sister's partner is going in to have some type of operation to fix his heart. At least my back is on the mend so we can scratch that off our list of worries.I know some people would say that all of the stuff that has happened and is still happening to us is purely coincidental. I know they are probably right but this has been going one now for over two years. I just think at some point our luck has to change. I know I've talked about this all before so I won't do it all over again. Besides that's not what I meant to write about.

So, back to me being lonely. Yes, hubby is gone and I hate it when he's not here. I don't mind it during the day but it's the nights. I really hate sleeping alone. Now some of you might say well what's the difference between this and when he works nights. I'll tell you what the difference is. The difference is that when he works nights I know he'll be here in the morning. He defiantly won't be coming through the door tomorrow morning unless he finds some way to teleport himself over here from Sydney and if he could do that we sure have spent a whole lot of money on plane tickets as of late.

Anyway, as it stands he won't be back until Saturday and for whatever reason that just doesn't sit well with me. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that I didn't want him to go, just the opposite. I encouraged him to go because I think it's important for him to be there. I suppose what it's really all about is that he is not only not here but he is far away. I know life can be unpredictable and because of that I worry. I'm always going to worry because that's what I do.

My mum is a worrier also. I must get it from her. My dad used to say that my mum worried so much so that if she didn't have something to worry about she would make up something to worry about and worry about that or alternatively she'd just worry about not having something to worry about. Hubby says I'm the same. The way I see it is I can't help it and either way right or wrong I'm never going to change. In my defense I do it firstly because I care and secondly because it's who I am. It's not like I'll sit here clutching my chest for the next 4 days wondering if at any moment I'm going to get a call and some one will tell me something has happened to hubby. but never the less I will worry in my own little way. I will be happy when he gets back home on Saturday.

But until then I'm going to watch a bit of telly, walk around our garden, cut more flowers, read my book and worry maybe just a little. What can I say?


Ur-spo said...

It is no fun being lonely.
One of my favorite quotes from a patient was a little old lady who told me
"Loneliness makes simple problems seem tragic. And mine are really basic little old lady problems that wouldn't seem so bad if I had some visitors'.

CJ said...

Hang in there. I'm glad you're up and about. Your flowers are gorgeous!