Gee I just realised I have not posted for a few days and as I've mentioned before I know how many of you come by to read my quick witted and spot on views of the world. I know you go into withdrawal when I don't post regularly and that without my posts you will eventually give up all hope and decide that life is just not worth the effort. For all of this and to all of you, I apologise. The guilt that I would feel over my insensitivity to your feelings and needs would be overwhelming for me and to be honest I just don't have to time or energy to expend on all of that.
Now with that all said and done you do know that I'm kidding, right? If not oh well I'll find some humour in it somehow, and you will too. I'm so mean. Anyway, the real reason I have been so lax in posting is that I'm in a bit of a funk. I am having a hard time getting motivated for Christmas. I don't even want to put up our tree, and for those of you that know me really well you will know that me not wanting to put up the tree is a sure sign of the apocalypse. I am and have always been, up to recently, the most ardent fan of all things Christmas. I loved the coloured lights and all the ornaments I've collected over the years and I could make a complete evening out of listening to some Christmas music, usually instrumental, and watching the tree lights twinkle, but not this year.
I think after some long conversations with my hubby we have come to the conclusion that all of this has something to do with my father's passing away last year. Even though my dad passed away in September. I think that next few months went by in a blur and this year things are clearer and to be just plain honest, I miss my dad. At the same time I am also concerned about my mother because I know that she is also being affected by all of this, and to a much higher degree. Last year ended in a big blur for my mum also and now this year she is sitting in her house and she has way to much time to focus on the emptiness she feels.
The best suggesting I can come up with for both my mum (I know she reads this) and me is for us to move forward and to go ahead with our christmas plans because dad would want us to. He also loved christmas, especially when it came to putting the lights up outside. So I think the best way to pay tribute to my dad is to put my tree up and when it's all up and decorated I think what I will see is not just a colourful shiny tree but I will also see a little part of my dad, and that has to be a good thing.
I'm going to at least try...
4 comments:
Ahh, the feelings of emptiness.....not good. Thanks for FINALLY posting.
Moving on is so difficult, and I can see why it's most difficult during this time of year. Christmas has such sentimental attachments for all of us, and I can see why it would be nearly impossible to deal with the tree or anything of that nature because of the feelings it would evoke.
I agree, your Dad would want you and your Mom to carry on and be happy. But if you do find it too overwhelming, maybe you can find a happy medium and go low key? For example, a miniature tree that sits on your table, with just a few lights and ornaments? When I worked in an office, I used to always have one like that. There were some very attractive designs available at the store.
Well, you do what works for you. And I hope your Mom can find the strength to move on too. I know it's hard, very hard...
Hugs,
Nathan
au contraire
there is truth in that first paragraph!
now, put out more often why don't ya, your fans are shreiking....
I haven't had any Christmas spirit this year, especially since this is the first one with my Dad's Parkinson's kicking his shrinking butt and mind. Thanks for posting this- I think I'm going to put up lights on the outside of my house, because that's his favortie part of Christmas too.
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