Keep moving in a forward direction....

That's what I need to keep telling my self and at the same time remind my self not to break or drop anything on the way. As you know things are a bit fragile around here and we are just waiting for something to crack wide open. In some ways it would be best if certain things did just up and fall apart because then at least we could focus on taking care of the fall out. As it is all we can do is make plans as to what we think we should do which is difficult since we don't know for sure what, how and when we will have to put the plan into action.

The whole looking for a job is a joke. Everyone I talk to tells me to not take it to heart and that I'm not the only one in this predicament. I appreciate the thought but unfortunately it doesn't pay the bills at my house nor does it, I'm pretty sure, at the homes of all the other people who are apparently in the same boat as I am at the moment. Now, don't get me wrong, I do very much appreciate every ones support and kind words. I know you care and that means a lot to me. it also helps especially when I feel so down, undervalued and unappreciated. I just don't know what the answer is. I'm drowning here and there's not a life raft in site.

At the same time we are walking on egg shells when it comes to the subject of hubby's mum and her cancer. Things are getting worse by the day and as such we are taking things day by day. It's a terrible thing when someone has a terminal illness and even more so when it is a loved one. You feel so helpless, not knowing what to do. You know what the outcome will be but you just don't know when. Now some people would say well you never really know when you're going to die and to some extent this is true but when someone is given a diagnosis of a terminal disease. It's not so much that they know when they are going to die but that the know that they are going to die earlier than they might have wanted and still they're not sure when. It's very messy ball of tears, fears and emotions. Somehow we will work through it.

At the moment we are just going to hunker down and hold on with all we have left. We will deal with what ever comes our way and make tentative plans to regroup and see where we stand and what are options are at the end of the year. That's five months from now and believe me a whole lot of s#*t can happen in that small amount of time. So until then we plan to keep moving in a forward direction with the occasional side ways detours of which hopefully there won't be too many, too difficult or too painful.

A post here, a post there...

...that's the best I can do these days. Thank God 12 of 12 is just around the corner or else the posts would be even fewer. I know I've talked about how flat I've been well now my flat has a dip in it. I really didn't think I could feel so down. This whole looking for work and being rejected left right and center has done a job on me. The other day I got all dressed up best suit, tie and all to go down to an interview that I got after I applied just that morning and they called me like two hours after I applied. I thought this must be a good sign. No more than ten minutes after I got there they had me filling out employment forms telling me how great I was and that all I had to do was have a quick ten minute interview with the supervisor and I basically had the job. Well after I finished the paper work and while I was waiting for the HR person to come back and tell me what time my interview would be, I read the job description they had given me. At the bottom of the second page I see under Essential Criteria "Current drivers license". so I asked to the HR person when she came back '"just how essential is the license?" and she said she would go check. So, off she waddled (don't ask) and she waddled back a few minutes later. Guess what? It seems that you need a drivers license for a desk job. Who f'ing knew??? I mean WTF???

So anyway, I've just about had it. I know that I'm not the only one struggling to find work but JHC seven months and over seventy applications later and I've got jack all. Nothing, Nada, zilch!!! I just don't know what to do. I guess I have to keep trying what other choice do I have. As I mentioned before I'm no longer getting assistance from the government so the small little amount of money is gone but it's not really just about the money. I mean we're not starving and we won't lose the house or anything. Thank God (or whoever) we paid the house off a while back when we sold another property that we owned and the first thing we did was pay off the mortgage on this place so just in case something like this happened and we wouldn't have to worry about the bank foreclosing. I know I shouldn't be whinging because I don't have to worry about those things but it's not just that it's personal. This whole thing is soul destroying. I'm losing all self worth and confidence. Anyway, enough about this. I'll leave it at that. I'll try to post when I can and as I said 12 of 12 will definitely happen. It's one of the few things I have to look forward to. I apologies for being such a Debbie Downer, but thanks for reading and letting me vent. Until next time take care and Enjoy...

I'm very sad...

I just found out that one of my favourite characters in a British comedy has passed away. I love British comedies like "Fawlty Towers", "Keeping Up Appearances" and "Are you Being Served?" to name a few. Well, I'm sad to hear that the ever colourful Mollie Sugden (aka Mrs. Slocombe) from "Are You Being Served" has passed a way. No one can talk about her pussy like Mrs. Slocombe did and I always waited for her to say something witty about her pussy in each episode. I think one of the funniest is when she was worried about her pussy being alone at home and she called her neighbor from work and asked him to go next door and to look through the letter opening in the door and wanted to know "If you can see my pussy." I can't remember what she was worried about I think she hadn't fed her pussy. Or the time it had been raining so long in London and she was arriving at work and announced to everyone that her pussy got soaked and she had to dry it out in front of the fireplace. I could go on but won't. I'll just say fond farewell to you Mrs. S. You've finally made it to the big retail store in the sky, and can now answer that timely question "Are you free?" and answer "I'm free most definitely free".

Love the hair, love the woman...

No posts, not good...

Gee I just realised I have not posted for a few days and as I've mentioned before I know how many of you come by to read my quick witted and spot on views of the world. I know you go into withdrawal when I don't post regularly and that without my posts you will eventually give up all hope and decide that life is just not worth the effort. For all of this and to all of you, I apologise. The guilt that I would feel over my insensitivity to your feelings and needs would be overwhelming for me and to be honest I just don't have to time or energy to expend on all of that.

Now with that all said and done you do know that I'm kidding, right? If not oh well I'll find some humour in it somehow, and you will too. I'm so mean. Anyway, the real reason I have been so lax in posting is that I'm in a bit of a funk. I am having a hard time getting motivated for Christmas. I don't even want to put up our tree, and for those of you that know me really well you will know that me not wanting to put up the tree is a sure sign of the apocalypse. I am and have always been, up to recently, the most ardent fan of all things Christmas. I loved the coloured lights and all the ornaments I've collected over the years and I could make a complete evening out of listening to some Christmas music, usually instrumental, and watching the tree lights twinkle, but not this year.

I think after some long conversations with my hubby we have come to the conclusion that all of this has something to do with my father's passing away last year. Even though my dad passed away in September. I think that next few months went by in a blur and this year things are clearer and to be just plain honest, I miss my dad. At the same time I am also concerned about my mother because I know that she is also being affected by all of this, and to a much higher degree. Last year ended in a big blur for my mum also and now this year she is sitting in her house and she has way to much time to focus on the emptiness she feels.

The best suggesting I can come up with for both my mum (I know she reads this) and me is for us to move forward and to go ahead with our christmas plans because dad would want us to. He also loved christmas, especially when it came to putting the lights up outside. So I think the best way to pay tribute to my dad is to put my tree up and when it's all up and decorated I think what I will see is not just a colourful shiny tree but I will also see a little part of my dad, and that has to be a good thing.

I'm going to at least try...