Memories...

Two years ago today my dad passed away and even though the pain has eased, I will never forget. My mum is alone now and I worry about her so very much but I know that my dad will watch her and for the hard things I know that she will find the strength to move forward because he wants her to keeping moving.

I love you dad
and
I miss you very much

No posts, not good...

Gee I just realised I have not posted for a few days and as I've mentioned before I know how many of you come by to read my quick witted and spot on views of the world. I know you go into withdrawal when I don't post regularly and that without my posts you will eventually give up all hope and decide that life is just not worth the effort. For all of this and to all of you, I apologise. The guilt that I would feel over my insensitivity to your feelings and needs would be overwhelming for me and to be honest I just don't have to time or energy to expend on all of that.

Now with that all said and done you do know that I'm kidding, right? If not oh well I'll find some humour in it somehow, and you will too. I'm so mean. Anyway, the real reason I have been so lax in posting is that I'm in a bit of a funk. I am having a hard time getting motivated for Christmas. I don't even want to put up our tree, and for those of you that know me really well you will know that me not wanting to put up the tree is a sure sign of the apocalypse. I am and have always been, up to recently, the most ardent fan of all things Christmas. I loved the coloured lights and all the ornaments I've collected over the years and I could make a complete evening out of listening to some Christmas music, usually instrumental, and watching the tree lights twinkle, but not this year.

I think after some long conversations with my hubby we have come to the conclusion that all of this has something to do with my father's passing away last year. Even though my dad passed away in September. I think that next few months went by in a blur and this year things are clearer and to be just plain honest, I miss my dad. At the same time I am also concerned about my mother because I know that she is also being affected by all of this, and to a much higher degree. Last year ended in a big blur for my mum also and now this year she is sitting in her house and she has way to much time to focus on the emptiness she feels.

The best suggesting I can come up with for both my mum (I know she reads this) and me is for us to move forward and to go ahead with our christmas plans because dad would want us to. He also loved christmas, especially when it came to putting the lights up outside. So I think the best way to pay tribute to my dad is to put my tree up and when it's all up and decorated I think what I will see is not just a colourful shiny tree but I will also see a little part of my dad, and that has to be a good thing.

I'm going to at least try...

One year passes in the blink of an eye

It is surprising how fast a year can pass. Seems like only yesterday that my mum called and told me my dad had passed away. It is one year ago today that I lost my father and there hasn't been a day since that I have not thought about him. My dad was not my biological father. My biological father passed away 20+ years ago. I called the man that passed away last year "dad" because that is what he was to me. He was the man that raised me. I had lived with that man and my mother since my parents divorced when I was ten. He was the man that gave me the values that I carry with me on a daily basis. He is that man that believed in me. He was the man that struggled with my coming out, but over time became one of my biggest supporters, if not the biggest. That man was proud to call me his son and I will forever be proud to call him dad.

I love you dad and I miss you but I know that you would want me to keep living my life to the fullest because it's the right thing to do and that's what I try to do not only for myself but now even more so I do it a little bit just for you.

A tribute to my father....

This morning I received an email from my niece (Melyssa) and that in itself is not ground breaking, but what was in the email was something of a different matter. My niece is a lovely girl who has always done the right thing. She has always been very close to her grandparents (my mum and dad). Melyssa was at my mum's house pretty much twenty four seven after my dad passed away last September. She has always been very special to me and I don't say that enough. So just what is it that she has said, well it's not what she said it's what she has done. Melyssa has gotten a tattoo on her back in memory of my dad. The tattoo contains my father's initials, date born/passed, and the wings plus start indicative of the US Air Force in which my father served. As Melyssa puts it, "this way grandpa will always have my back" and in some small way he will always look after her. I think this is a beautiful tribute to my father and to my niece I say... Thank You! and I Love You!