11 May 2008

Happy Momma's Day...

First things first, let me say a big "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY" to my mum. I love you mum and send you (((Big Hugs))).

OK, so now what's been happening around here? Well I've been to Sydney for five days to see my specialist (neurologist) for a review of my feet since my last visit a few months ago when I saw him and at that time he decided to put me in hospital for ten days of testing hell. (I really must let that go). Where was I? Ah yes, I went to see the specialist to check in and see how I have been going with the new drugs and all. I told him I was 95% pain free which meant that instead of having 800 episodes of pain attacks in my feet I was down to only about 40 a month. He said that was great except that when he let me go from the hospital I was 100% pain free. I said "Oh".

When I left the hospital he had prescribed a fast acting pain medication for any breakthrough pain but it seems that the state that I live in has different rules when it comes to the prescribing of narcotic pain medications. (I'll explain later as it's a bit complicated) Anyway, the state authorities that approve prescriptions of such medications would only allow half of what he had ordered. What that meant is that I could only take care of twenty of the episodes of breakthrough I was having and the rest I just had to ride out biting on a bullet. To fix this problem he has changed my prescription once again. I'm now taking an even higher dose of one of the medications that he introduced during my hospital stay. The upside is that it seems to be working. The downside is that it makes me extremely sleepy. I can fall asleep in the middle of a conversation, which can be very embarrassing. The other downside is that now I am taking 35 pills a day instead of 32. Now you might say what's the big deal it's only three more pills. You don't even want me to answer that question, I promise you.

I'm just having one of my moments where I resent having to take all of these pills. They make me feel like a loser. I feel like I'm incapable of taking care of myself without the help of medications, but the truth is I can't and that is what irritates me. I hate feeling so dependent and vulnerable. I have an alternative. I can say no to all of the pills but then I will end up in excruciating pain and without my anti-retrovirals I will not be in control of the HIV. The virus would then run rampant and start to completely destroy my immune system which would lead to an untimely demise. The thing is I'm not really good with pain, basically I'm a wimp, and as for dying well I know that I'm going to die someday but in some small way I like to think I have some control as to how soon or not that will occur. With that all said I take my pills everyday like a good boy, but I do so sometimes very begrudgingly!


Now to end this odd little post I thought I would share some more photos with you. I'm going to continue to share more and more photos with you the more I experiment with my camera so you might as well get used to it. Anyway, here are a few shots I took the other evening from our backyard looking up to the late evening sky as sunset was occurring and there were a few stormy clouds hanging about. There may seem to be a few shots that look just the same but there are slight differences, believe me there are. Really, anyway enjoy...



You can find the rest here

2 comments:

Ur-spo said...

taking pills is no fun
it reminds us we are sick and there are things beyond our control
it is no fun to take so many pills; at least you are sensible and don't stop them like most of my patients do.
and happy day to you Mum from me.

CJ said...

Damn now I feel bad complaining about having tonsilitis and a chest cold. Still it's no fun being medicated. Your attempting to control your pain which is good. It's got to be somewhat satisfying knowing that you can do that and that you have a doctor willing to do so. Good luck.
I enjoy the pics. More please.