Hello peeps,

Well, if isn't a doggone Christmas miracle, that"s what it is a great big ol' Christmas miracle. That is, if you can have a good ol' fashioned Christmas miracle in March. What the hell it's my blog and I can have Christmas when ever I damn well please. And what just may that miracle be? The answer would of course be that, I' m actually posting something to this blog. As life usually does, it has tangled me up in a big ol' knot. (BTW, I have no idea why I find it necessary to use the abbreviation of the word old but maybe I'm just in one of those good ol' boys state of mind. Anyway moving on...) So, back to life tangling me up in a big ol' ball. Life has indeed tangled me up and because of it, along with some just good ol' fashioned laziness, I have been severely short in the area of blog posts. I even missed the very last 12 of 12 and I loved the 12 of 12 posts. I do have, even though I don't need one, but I do have some good reasons for not posting and they included everything from work commitments to important family matters. At the end of the day the biggest web tangled bit is a family matter, which revolves around my mother's cancer.

Just before Christmas I called my mum to check-in with her to see what was new on her end of the world and also to hear what the families" Christmas plans were and what specifically she was doing for Christmas. I worry about my mum, especially since dad passed away in 2006. I know mum is a strong women and that she can take care of herself but I know, through personal experience, what it is like to suddenly find yourself all alone after your partner-in-life passes away. And it is especially hard during the holidays after the loss of your spouse. Anyway, I thought all I was going to do is get an update on the holiday plans instead I got an ear full, which later became a head full, of my mum telling me that her cancer had spread to her lungs. Mum had a fairly large melanoma removed in 2006 and for all concerns she had nothing else to worry about, boy were we wrong.

So since my last post, that particular part of my life (that being mum's cancer) has taken over my every thought and has made life extremely difficult trying to find enough time to spend with my mum. The biggest problem is of course approximation. With mum living on one side of the world and me on the other, it makes it really hard to get over there to be with one another. It's not like I can just call her in the morning and ask her if she would like to meet me for lunch somewhere, because no matter how hard we try or how much we would love to have lunch with each other, it's just not going to happen. So what to do? Mum was offered a cancer treatment, actually the only one of two treatments available, that she can take to help slow the cancer's progression. Mum's doctor has been very specific in telling her that this treatment is not a cure and for that matter there is no cure for her type of cancer period. Saying all of that I decided that I needed/wanted to be with my mum whilst she went/is going through this treatment. The actual treatment consists of four individual IV infusions over the course of twelve weeks, one infusion every 3 weeks.

After talking to my boss I was able to arrange some time off to fly back to the states to see my mum and to help her in anyway I can during the time that I am here. I also wanted to be able to give my big brother a small break from helping my mum whilst I am here. Mum is handling the treatments and more importantly the side effects from the treatments, pretty good so far. This specific treatment is not the traditional chemo because traditional chemo does not work on the type of cancer mum is currently battling. In fact as far as mum's treatment goes this is her only option and once these four doses are done and after she has a new PET scan to see if the treatments had any affect on the spots on her lungs and to make sure the cancer has not spread they docotor will let her know if she can have another round of the treatments. If they find she needs the treatment again she can have one more set of four infusions and then that"s it she can't have any more. It should be noted that each one of her infusions cost $30,000. That's right Thirty Thousand dollars for a grand total of $120,000. We have no idea how much mum's insurance is going to pay and how much they are going to expect her to pay. We will,cross that bridge when we get there. We will just take this one thing/day at a time. The biggest problem is that I am going to have to go back home and go back to work soon. My boss/work has been extremely generous letting me have all of this time off especially seeing that I have actually only worked there for 2 months so far. But I need to go back shortly before they give my job away. I'm not completely sure when I have to leave I'm just waiting on an email from my boss.

That kind of sums up what's happening in my life but I just wanted to catch up with everyone. I also wanted to mention that I am going to take part in a shirt around the world for charity event started by one of my blogger friends. This blogger actually makes his own Hawaiian print shirts and I have to say he makes some really cool shirts. He has a real knack when it come to choosing the fabric he uses to make the shirts. So, I am apparently up next to receive the shirt. All I have to do is take a picture with me wearing the shirt, then post the picture on this blog.I will then post the shirt on to the next person in line to wear the shirt. So they can do the same thing on so on. 30 people have already taken part in this little project and as an added bonus there will be donations made to various charities for every person who wears the shirt. If my calculations are correct close to $3,000 has been donated. Now that, is a very special Hawaiian shirt and I'm happy to be a part of the fun.

That's all for now, just be on the look out for pictures of me and the shirt. I'm sure I will look stunning in the shirt and I'm even more sure that by the time the shirt arrives I will also have something else to write on this blog especially some good new about mum. Fingers crossed... Until then take care and be safe...

Back to back to back...

Well we're back from Sydney and I've seen the doctor. To make a long story short, we have to go back to Sydney next Thursday. I will be checking into hospital on Friday morning at 6:30 am to have lower back surgery. Since it's a Friday I don't suppose much will happen over the weekend and I'm looking to be there based on that until at least Tuesday but more likely Wednesday. I'm not sure if the doctor will restrict my flying or not but if he doesn't then I'll be back home ASAP.

I have to have the surgery as the opening were the nerves run through up my spinal column is narrowing which is affecting the overall nerve patterns. This is the reason I'm having so much pain from my back and down my leg not to mention I'm losing sensation in my left leg all together. We are also hoping that as an added bonus this will give me a little extra relief from the pain associated with my peripheral neuropathy in my feet. Only time will tell if that wish is granted.

As for James' mum, she is holding her own. She needs to gain so much weight but she has no appetite. we took her out to eat several times and she did eat but other than that she eats nothing. We will work on he some more when we are up there next week. She's a fighter and we will fight along with her as long as she wants to fight.

So that's the excitement around here. I'll still post a few useless post between now and next week until then I'm out of here. Enjoy...

Happy Momma's Day...

First things first, let me say a big "HAPPY MOTHERS DAY" to my mum. I love you mum and send you (((Big Hugs))).

OK, so now what's been happening around here? Well I've been to Sydney for five days to see my specialist (neurologist) for a review of my feet since my last visit a few months ago when I saw him and at that time he decided to put me in hospital for ten days of testing hell. (I really must let that go). Where was I? Ah yes, I went to see the specialist to check in and see how I have been going with the new drugs and all. I told him I was 95% pain free which meant that instead of having 800 episodes of pain attacks in my feet I was down to only about 40 a month. He said that was great except that when he let me go from the hospital I was 100% pain free. I said "Oh".

When I left the hospital he had prescribed a fast acting pain medication for any breakthrough pain but it seems that the state that I live in has different rules when it comes to the prescribing of narcotic pain medications. (I'll explain later as it's a bit complicated) Anyway, the state authorities that approve prescriptions of such medications would only allow half of what he had ordered. What that meant is that I could only take care of twenty of the episodes of breakthrough I was having and the rest I just had to ride out biting on a bullet. To fix this problem he has changed my prescription once again. I'm now taking an even higher dose of one of the medications that he introduced during my hospital stay. The upside is that it seems to be working. The downside is that it makes me extremely sleepy. I can fall asleep in the middle of a conversation, which can be very embarrassing. The other downside is that now I am taking 35 pills a day instead of 32. Now you might say what's the big deal it's only three more pills. You don't even want me to answer that question, I promise you.

I'm just having one of my moments where I resent having to take all of these pills. They make me feel like a loser. I feel like I'm incapable of taking care of myself without the help of medications, but the truth is I can't and that is what irritates me. I hate feeling so dependent and vulnerable. I have an alternative. I can say no to all of the pills but then I will end up in excruciating pain and without my anti-retrovirals I will not be in control of the HIV. The virus would then run rampant and start to completely destroy my immune system which would lead to an untimely demise. The thing is I'm not really good with pain, basically I'm a wimp, and as for dying well I know that I'm going to die someday but in some small way I like to think I have some control as to how soon or not that will occur. With that all said I take my pills everyday like a good boy, but I do so sometimes very begrudgingly!

Now to end this odd little post I thought I would share some more photos with you. I'm going to continue to share more and more photos with you the more I experiment with my camera so you might as well get used to it. Anyway, here are a few shots I took the other evening from our backyard looking up to the late evening sky as sunset was occurring and there were a few stormy clouds hanging about. There may seem to be a few shots that look just the same but there are slight differences, believe me there are. Really, anyway enjoy...

You can find the rest here

All quiet on the not so western front...

...or eastern front depending on which way your flying to get to us here in the land down under. I'm sorry I have been a bit slack in post as of late but we have been keeping a low profile on this end of the earth. The reason being is that James' mum's cancer has turned into not such good news. The doctors were planing this huge operation which given James' medical knowledge we weren't so sure for 1) they could even do that kind of surgery and 2) if his mum had the surgery it would have been a strong possibility that she would have never survived. None the less even knowing this his mum said she wanted the surgery.

A week and a half ago James' mum had one of a battery of tests and small investigative procedures looking at various areas of her system to see if the cancer had spread. This time they were looking to see if there was any spread and involvement in her liver. James went up last week to spend a couple of days with his mum as he will do more often over the coming months and understandable so. Anyway, he actually had not told his mum he was coming because she of course would have told him not to come and that when she really needed him she would definitely tell him. Given his mum's attempts to have James stay at home so as not to disrupt his work schedule, studies and his life in general; James just figured it would be best to surprise her. As it came out his timing was great because came to find out his mum was going to see the oncologist the day after he arrived to see her. She was going to get the results of the liver scan/test thingy. James would then be able to explain anything his mum didn't understand from the results and also then be able to answer any questions she might have when she was back at home.

To make a long story short. they found spots on his mum's liver, so the cancer has spread. This of course means the surgery is off and now it's just a matter of trying to give his mum whatever we can to fight against the the war that is and will be raging within her both physically and mentally. His mum is being very stoic about the whole thing and it's what we would have expected knowing his mum's general demeanour. James is actually quite calm. I think once again with his medical background he is in some ways shutting down the emotional side of all this and is looking at the situation from a clinical stand point. Now that's not to say he is being all cold and heartless. He could would of course never do that to his mum. He just needs to sometimes be clinical so he will be able to give his mum the best information and advice he can give her when she asks. As it also happens James has started his Masters degree in Adult Education and that goes a long way when it comes to a form of distraction.

So to wrap this real bummer of a post we are concentrating a lot on home and life in general. In my case I suppose not writing as many posts is wrong and I should be writing even more so not unlike James and his school work I can distract myself. We are both trying very hard to ignore the big pink elephant in the corner of the room. Thing is; it's not going to go away and we know it.