...to let you know that I've been really busy lately get ready for out little holiday next week. James and I are head to the land of the Land of the Long White Cloud (aka New Zealand) to visit a friend who moved back there a while back. James and I have been to NZ several times but this will be the first time that we will be seeing our friends new home. She lives on the North Island and we will be spending all of or time on the North Island. You really need a couple of weeks if you want to visit both North and South islands properly. We are really looking forward to the visit as well as the chance to get away for a few days. So, needless to say posts will be at a minimum except for the few I might get done from our friends place. Who knows there may be pictures before we get back. Until then I will try to keep up with my blog reading and I'll see you when I get back. Cheers...
27 July 2007
24 July 2007
There it is again...
I don't know if it is the time of year or just the weather we have been having or what, but once again the sunrise I've just seen out my kitchen window was amazing. I just had to share again. I could do a whole blog on sunrises or not. I guess that would be pretty boring unless i was an actual professional photographer and alas I am not said photographer. So after these few pictures I promise not to post another sunrise post. Well, unless it's like unbelievable and then well maybe.... :)
21 July 2007
A blast from the past...
I don't know why I'm posting this, but for some reason I felt the need to share. This post originally occurred on my other web site which tells the story of my life dealing with HIV up to a point. I am sorry to say that the site needs a complete update and I need to finish my story and maybe just maybe I'm feeling the need to do so. Anyway, as I said I'm not sure why I'm posting this but I am. Let me set this up a bit.
The post I'm about to share was written based on a letter I received from my daughter. Now you should know that for the first 13 years of my daughters life I had only seen her once and that was the day after she was born. I had to sneak up to my then wives room and I held my daughter for a precious fifteen minutes. I then had to leave for fear that my soon to be ex-wife's family might show up. Even though my wife and I were divorcing due to the fact that I had finally come to the realisation the I could no longer live a lie about my sexual orientation. I had been battling that dark secret for way to long and at that point there was no way I was going to bring a child into the world and have her see her parents living in a lie. Many people tried to get us to stay together for the sake of the baby but I just couldn't. As I said I would not have my child grow up seeing and feeling the fact that her parents did not actually love one another anymore. I say anymore because I have to be fair that in some way even though inside I knew I was gay I fought so hard against it and I did actually find a woman for whom I could feel love. To this day I honestly do care for my ex-wife. she's a good woman and she raised my daughter to be a very well adjusted young woman and I could not ask anymore than that. We had some how come to a friendly arrangement and I give my ex-wife a lot of credit for she was very wise before her time. My ex-wife and I had agreed that for my daughters sake it would be best for me to stay in the background so as not to confuse the issue. I suppose on reflection it was not the best choice, never the less it was the choice we made.
For the next thirteen years my daughter grew up to be a lovely girl from what little things I found out through various avenues. The how I found out does not matter suffice it to say I found out. My ex-wife had remarried and I even went as far as allowing my daughter to be adopted by my wife's new husband because I thought it was the right thing to do. At the time I did not think I deserved to have a daughter as I was very good at becoming a self loathing gay man, not worthy of proper love, understanding and support from various friends and family. What I did not know was that during all time she was growing up my ex-sister in-law was keeping my daughter in tune with who her real dad was. My sister in law apparently told my daughter everything, including the fact that I was gay. Which she told her only because my daughter pressed her for the answer. Now I could be mad at my ex-sister-in-law for outing me but the truth would eventually have to come out and as it was that would be the impetus for my daughter wanting to meet me. The way I understand it she asked her mother who did not want to say anything about me and my daughter said fine she would find out on her own and eventually got my parents on the phone and talked to them.
In those thirteen years my life changed a lot and during that time I had become HIV+ as well I had buried the first of two partners. I was living with the second partner, when my mother called me to tell me that my daughter had called her and that she wanted to meet me. My daughter asked my mum if she thought I would be okay with meeting with hear after all this time. To say the least I was bit shocked. There had not been a day go by since the day she was born that I did not think about my daughter and wondered how she was or what she was like. Needless to say I said yes I would be more than happy to meet her. I knew in my heart that one day I would have to meet her and she would eventually ask me what happened thirteen years ago and why did I leave. I did not know what she had been told so I would be flying blind but I figured the best way forward would be with honesty. So the day came to meet and my mother had arranged for my daughter, along with my dad, to come to my home. My partner at that time used to be a professional photographer among other things and he was going to take some pictures of my family all together for the first time. Needless to say the meeting was very emotional so much that I can not even convey it here in words. At the end of the day the photos were taken and a new beginning began to form between my daughter and I. Shortly after that meeting I received a letter from my daughter and in that letter was what ended up being the post that I'm about to share with you.
So without further adieu here is that post:
A few weeks ago I wrote my previous column, and I discussed the trials and tribulations of taking all the different medicines I need to help my immune system fight the HIV virus. I often asked myself wondering if it was all worth it. Well several days after writing that column I received a letter from my daughter and I got the best answer as to why I continue to fight this disease. I would like to share this letter with you. I think you'll agree I have a very good reason to fight back against this devastating disease.
Dad, Hi! How are you? I'm just fine. Well I wrote this poem two years ago and never gave it to you. I hope it doesn't upset you, something just told me inside that I should send you a copy of it. Well I gotta go!
Love always & forever, Erin
ps. I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart even though I haven't known you for all of my life. A girl couldn't ask for a better dad. I'm proud of you & everything you have ever accomplished. I love you daddy!
Is Life Fair?
I just met my dad the other day.
There is so much more that I want to say.
His body is a wilting flower,
Here today, then gone tomorrow.
Yet his spirit is like the ocean.
It waves up and down,
One day calm and the next rough.
I ask myself "Is life fair?",
"Why my despair?"
I think of my wedding day.
How will it be?
Who will give me away?
Who will stand next to me?
He wears a smile.
But inside he is frowning.
I sometimes wonder is he drowning?
My father loves me with all of his heart
I know in spirit that we will never part.
But, it just hurts really bad.
Life is robbing me of my dad.
That letter and poem have stuck with me to this day and in the end here we are in my daughters 25th year and she is all grown up and she's even given me a granddaughter. I've obeyed the doctors and will be lucky to see my 50th birthday this November. I don't know if or when my daughter will get married but at the end of the day if she stills wants me to walk her down the aisle it will be my pleasure. All in all as difficult as it can be I think life is good because I have won this battle so far. Anyway, thanks for reading and now we will return to our regularly scheduled and much more current posts.
The post I'm about to share was written based on a letter I received from my daughter. Now you should know that for the first 13 years of my daughters life I had only seen her once and that was the day after she was born. I had to sneak up to my then wives room and I held my daughter for a precious fifteen minutes. I then had to leave for fear that my soon to be ex-wife's family might show up. Even though my wife and I were divorcing due to the fact that I had finally come to the realisation the I could no longer live a lie about my sexual orientation. I had been battling that dark secret for way to long and at that point there was no way I was going to bring a child into the world and have her see her parents living in a lie. Many people tried to get us to stay together for the sake of the baby but I just couldn't. As I said I would not have my child grow up seeing and feeling the fact that her parents did not actually love one another anymore. I say anymore because I have to be fair that in some way even though inside I knew I was gay I fought so hard against it and I did actually find a woman for whom I could feel love. To this day I honestly do care for my ex-wife. she's a good woman and she raised my daughter to be a very well adjusted young woman and I could not ask anymore than that. We had some how come to a friendly arrangement and I give my ex-wife a lot of credit for she was very wise before her time. My ex-wife and I had agreed that for my daughters sake it would be best for me to stay in the background so as not to confuse the issue. I suppose on reflection it was not the best choice, never the less it was the choice we made.
For the next thirteen years my daughter grew up to be a lovely girl from what little things I found out through various avenues. The how I found out does not matter suffice it to say I found out. My ex-wife had remarried and I even went as far as allowing my daughter to be adopted by my wife's new husband because I thought it was the right thing to do. At the time I did not think I deserved to have a daughter as I was very good at becoming a self loathing gay man, not worthy of proper love, understanding and support from various friends and family. What I did not know was that during all time she was growing up my ex-sister in-law was keeping my daughter in tune with who her real dad was. My sister in law apparently told my daughter everything, including the fact that I was gay. Which she told her only because my daughter pressed her for the answer. Now I could be mad at my ex-sister-in-law for outing me but the truth would eventually have to come out and as it was that would be the impetus for my daughter wanting to meet me. The way I understand it she asked her mother who did not want to say anything about me and my daughter said fine she would find out on her own and eventually got my parents on the phone and talked to them.
In those thirteen years my life changed a lot and during that time I had become HIV+ as well I had buried the first of two partners. I was living with the second partner, when my mother called me to tell me that my daughter had called her and that she wanted to meet me. My daughter asked my mum if she thought I would be okay with meeting with hear after all this time. To say the least I was bit shocked. There had not been a day go by since the day she was born that I did not think about my daughter and wondered how she was or what she was like. Needless to say I said yes I would be more than happy to meet her. I knew in my heart that one day I would have to meet her and she would eventually ask me what happened thirteen years ago and why did I leave. I did not know what she had been told so I would be flying blind but I figured the best way forward would be with honesty. So the day came to meet and my mother had arranged for my daughter, along with my dad, to come to my home. My partner at that time used to be a professional photographer among other things and he was going to take some pictures of my family all together for the first time. Needless to say the meeting was very emotional so much that I can not even convey it here in words. At the end of the day the photos were taken and a new beginning began to form between my daughter and I. Shortly after that meeting I received a letter from my daughter and in that letter was what ended up being the post that I'm about to share with you.
So without further adieu here is that post:
A few weeks ago I wrote my previous column, and I discussed the trials and tribulations of taking all the different medicines I need to help my immune system fight the HIV virus. I often asked myself wondering if it was all worth it. Well several days after writing that column I received a letter from my daughter and I got the best answer as to why I continue to fight this disease. I would like to share this letter with you. I think you'll agree I have a very good reason to fight back against this devastating disease.
Dad, Hi! How are you? I'm just fine. Well I wrote this poem two years ago and never gave it to you. I hope it doesn't upset you, something just told me inside that I should send you a copy of it. Well I gotta go!
Love always & forever, Erin
ps. I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart even though I haven't known you for all of my life. A girl couldn't ask for a better dad. I'm proud of you & everything you have ever accomplished. I love you daddy!
Is Life Fair?
I just met my dad the other day.
There is so much more that I want to say.
His body is a wilting flower,
Here today, then gone tomorrow.
Yet his spirit is like the ocean.
It waves up and down,
One day calm and the next rough.
I ask myself "Is life fair?",
"Why my despair?"
I think of my wedding day.
How will it be?
Who will give me away?
Who will stand next to me?
He wears a smile.
But inside he is frowning.
I sometimes wonder is he drowning?
My father loves me with all of his heart
I know in spirit that we will never part.
But, it just hurts really bad.
Life is robbing me of my dad.
That letter and poem have stuck with me to this day and in the end here we are in my daughters 25th year and she is all grown up and she's even given me a granddaughter. I've obeyed the doctors and will be lucky to see my 50th birthday this November. I don't know if or when my daughter will get married but at the end of the day if she stills wants me to walk her down the aisle it will be my pleasure. All in all as difficult as it can be I think life is good because I have won this battle so far. Anyway, thanks for reading and now we will return to our regularly scheduled and much more current posts.
18 July 2007
Red, angry and yet beautiful...
As I sat here yesterday morning reading all the various blogs as I do every morning I was presented with a spectacular view, of the sun rising, from our kitchen window. We get some of the most stunning sunrises here. Albeit the sky was very red and angry it was also very beautiful. I know they say red sky in morning sailors warning and we were expecting a bit of bad weather, which sort of eventuated. A change did come through with a bit of rain and pushed our temperatures back done into the 30's in the morning. Anyway, I just thought I would share these with you. I am working on a post that some of you may or may not find interesting. we shall see. Until then Enjoy...
12 July 2007
Have you ever...
This is a long meme that I found and I actually modified it a little because it was even longer, but I still think it is fun. Just copy the list and bold the things you've done. So here's mine
Have you ever...
Have you ever...
- Bought everyone in the pub/bar a drink
- Climbed a mountain
- Held a tarantula.
- Taken a candlelit bath with someone
- Been in love
- Broken someone's heart
- Had your heart broken
- Done a striptease
- Bungee jumped
- Watched a lightning storm at sea
- Stayed up all night long, and watched the sun rise
- Seen the Northern Lights
- Gone to a huge sports game
- Grown and eaten your own vegetables
- Slept under the stars
- Changed a baby's diaper
- Taken a trip in a hot air balloon
- Watched a meteor shower
- Gotten drunk on champagne
- Given money to charity
- Looked up at the night sky through a telescope
- Had an uncontrollable giggling fit at the worst possible moment
- Had a food fight
- Bet on a winning horse
- Taken a sick day when you're not ill
- Had a snowball fight
- Photocopied your butt or any other intimate body part
- Held a lamb
- Gone skinny dipping
- Taken an ice cold shower
- Seen a total eclipse
- Ridden a roller coaster
- Hit a home run
- Been arrested
- Visited all 50 states
- Taken care of someone who was shit faced
- Stolen a street/highway sign
- Backpacked in Europe
- Taken a road-trip
- Taken a midnight walk on the beach
- Gone sky diving
- Milked a cow
- Alphabetised your records
- Sung karaoke
- Lounged around in bed all day
- Gone scuba diving
- Danced in the rain
- Gone to a drive-in theater
- Started a business
- Gotten married
- Been in a movie
- Crashed a party
- Gotten divorced
- Had sex at the office
- Made cookies from scratch
- Gotten a tattoo
- Been on television
- Had sex a public place
- Got so drunk you don't remember anything
- Recorded music
- Had a one-night stand
- Bought a house
- Shaved or waxed your pubic hair off
- Been on a cruise ship
- Spoken more than one language fluently
- Bounced a check
- Called or written your Congress person
- Picked up and moved to another city to just start over
- Sang loudly by yourself in the car
- Wrote articles for a large publication
- Piloted an airplane
- Helped an animal give birth
- Been fired or laid off from a job
- Won money on a T.V. game show
- Broken a bone
- Ridden a motorcycle
- Had a body part of yours below the neck pierced
- Fired a rifle, shotgun, or pistol
- Ridden a horse
- Had major surgery
- Had sex on a moving train
- Slept through an entire flight: takeoff, flight, and landing
- Visited more foreign countries than U.S. states
- Visited all 7 continents
- Eaten sushi
- Had your picture in the newspaper
- Parasailed
- Changed your name
- Dyed your hair
- Been a DJ
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