Well, well, well...

So, here I am back at the blog. I have been really bad at posting over the past few weeks and even months. I know that everyone says that it's my blog and I only have to post when and what I want and if I want. I take that into consideration but I still feel guilty when I haven't posted for a while. So anyway, this will be my lame attempt at a new post. Lest see what I can come up with in some random thoughts.

It's been quiet around here since we got back from Sydney. Hubby is trying to return to some sense of normalcy. He worked the other night for the first time in 8 weeks. I told him that he should ask them to not put him in resus (resuscitation) and sure enough that's where they put him. He said that he didn't ask to be changed because they were short. I still think he could have swapped with some one else but it's a moot point because the shift is over but as I feared there were several resus that evening with one women dying. The fact that she died and was also elderly did not help hubby. Luckily he only had the one shift and he is now off for another 6 days. I hope that in his next set of shifts they will think and take into consideration his recent loss and that they will not make him work in an area that carries a higher risk of losing patients.

Spring is supposed to be here and in ways it has arrived but like most spring weather it comes with warm days but also some cool/cold days as the fronts fight for dominance. The warmer fronts are getting stronger and almost all of the cold fronts are now being pushed back making way fro summer. Summer starts on December 1 here in the land down under. I know that the official start of summer isn't until the 21st December but here it is easier to track the seasons in four distinct sections with three months each. So, summer is, December, January, February, fall is March April, May, winter, June, July, August and spring September, October and November. I have slowly gotten used to everything being topsy turvy having grown up in the northern hemisphere and sometimes it still feels funny especially when it's warm/hot in December and for Christmas. I just tell myself that it's no different than it is for people in Florida or southern California and other places that are normally warm/hot at Christmas. It's just a mind thing. Although, it is really hard to see holiday decorations up with snowflakes and even fake snow on windows. I also have learned to change the traditional turkey dinner for Christmas and opt for a nice seafood buffet with lots of boiled shrimp and salads. Thankfully, all of the baked goods and candies aren't affected by the weather and that's all that really counts isn't it?

A dear friend is coming for a visit. She arrives on the 31st October and yes that is Halloween but not unlike the topsy turvy of the seasons some holidays are also changed. Halloween is not celebrated as a matter of ongoing celebrations here in Australia. So she won't be arriving into a sea of witches, goblins and monsters. Although when you think about it, the clutter of people you have to manoeuvre around at the airport are sometimes just as bad as a pack of monsters and goblins. I will say that there has been a push by certain groups and especially retailers (why am I not surprised) to have Halloween introduced and celebrated just like it is in the states. There are lots of Halloween parties already, but they call them fancy dress parties otherwise know as costume parties. I have over the most recent years actually had a few children show up for trick or treat. So, now each year I buy a couple bags of lollies (aka candy in the states) to have just in case and if they don't show up well you know the fate of the candy and if you don't well then you think about it and get back to me.

Other than those random bits. we continue to wait for springs warm weather to take hold. We continue to heal from recent events. We are also trying to find our pace again and with time we will do just that. Watch this space for new and exciting things to come. Until next time take care, stay safe, and enjoy...

(I'm sure some people wonder what I mean when I say "enjoy". All I'm saying is "enjoy" life and all the things that are around you and part of your life because many and most things are fleeting and I want you to enjoy as much as you can while you can)

Keep moving in a forward direction....

That's what I need to keep telling my self and at the same time remind my self not to break or drop anything on the way. As you know things are a bit fragile around here and we are just waiting for something to crack wide open. In some ways it would be best if certain things did just up and fall apart because then at least we could focus on taking care of the fall out. As it is all we can do is make plans as to what we think we should do which is difficult since we don't know for sure what, how and when we will have to put the plan into action.

The whole looking for a job is a joke. Everyone I talk to tells me to not take it to heart and that I'm not the only one in this predicament. I appreciate the thought but unfortunately it doesn't pay the bills at my house nor does it, I'm pretty sure, at the homes of all the other people who are apparently in the same boat as I am at the moment. Now, don't get me wrong, I do very much appreciate every ones support and kind words. I know you care and that means a lot to me. it also helps especially when I feel so down, undervalued and unappreciated. I just don't know what the answer is. I'm drowning here and there's not a life raft in site.

At the same time we are walking on egg shells when it comes to the subject of hubby's mum and her cancer. Things are getting worse by the day and as such we are taking things day by day. It's a terrible thing when someone has a terminal illness and even more so when it is a loved one. You feel so helpless, not knowing what to do. You know what the outcome will be but you just don't know when. Now some people would say well you never really know when you're going to die and to some extent this is true but when someone is given a diagnosis of a terminal disease. It's not so much that they know when they are going to die but that the know that they are going to die earlier than they might have wanted and still they're not sure when. It's very messy ball of tears, fears and emotions. Somehow we will work through it.

At the moment we are just going to hunker down and hold on with all we have left. We will deal with what ever comes our way and make tentative plans to regroup and see where we stand and what are options are at the end of the year. That's five months from now and believe me a whole lot of s#*t can happen in that small amount of time. So until then we plan to keep moving in a forward direction with the occasional side ways detours of which hopefully there won't be too many, too difficult or too painful.

Not a good week...

You know I'm trying to think why I post right now. It seems that all I ever post is about are the bad things going on in my life. I'm sure it makes for lousy reading. Well okay the last post was a good one but this one won't be

I got a call from my mum the other day and it seems that she has gone to the doctor for a check-up to have a look at a growth on her foot. Well it has come back as malignant melanoma. She is having surgery on Tuesday and at the same time they are going to do a scan to see if has spread. All I can say is I will wait to see what the doctors say after the surgery and then we will go from there. If you could send my mum some good thoughts I would appreciate it. I'll post more when I know more.

Turkey Day, Turkey Day...

...it's all about Turkey Day. However for me it's not all just about the turkey. In fact it's not even just about the day. You see, they don't celebrate Turkey Day here in Australia and as a result I don't either. I haven't celebrated a Thanksgiving since 2000. On a few occasions over the past eight years hubby and I discussed the possibility of putting together a complete Turkey Day menu including all the favourites like cranberries, sweet potatoes and pumpkin pie. Unfortunately for one reason or another we just never seemed to get around to it.

I have to admit that Thanksgiving is one of the things I miss about living in the states. I love all of the food. I enjoy getting together with friends and family Hell, I love the Macy's Day Parade more than anything (becasue Christmas is right around the corner and the tree will go up on the weekend). I miss all of these things and in some small way I wish I could be there today with my family. I know they will get together and enjoy all those things I miss along with a football game or two thrown in for good measure. And for all the hustle and bustle, noise and confusion, even sometimes yelling and screaming (okay a lot of yelling and screaming), I would dearly love to celebrate Thanksgiving, but unfortunately I live 7500 miles away and that doesn't include the miles from the west coast to Dallas and the east coast of Australia to Tasmania.

So even though I won't be there for Thanksgiving this year as in years past I want to tell my family that I love them all dearly and that I miss them tremendously and I want them to have the happiest Thanksgiving in the world! I also would like to tell each of you, the readers who live in the US, I want to wish you also the Best Thanksgiving! I hope that you are all able to enjoy the day with family and/or friends. Take care and stay well...

All quiet on the not so western front...

...or eastern front depending on which way your flying to get to us here in the land down under. I'm sorry I have been a bit slack in post as of late but we have been keeping a low profile on this end of the earth. The reason being is that James' mum's cancer has turned into not such good news. The doctors were planing this huge operation which given James' medical knowledge we weren't so sure for 1) they could even do that kind of surgery and 2) if his mum had the surgery it would have been a strong possibility that she would have never survived. None the less even knowing this his mum said she wanted the surgery.

A week and a half ago James' mum had one of a battery of tests and small investigative procedures looking at various areas of her system to see if the cancer had spread. This time they were looking to see if there was any spread and involvement in her liver. James went up last week to spend a couple of days with his mum as he will do more often over the coming months and understandable so. Anyway, he actually had not told his mum he was coming because she of course would have told him not to come and that when she really needed him she would definitely tell him. Given his mum's attempts to have James stay at home so as not to disrupt his work schedule, studies and his life in general; James just figured it would be best to surprise her. As it came out his timing was great because came to find out his mum was going to see the oncologist the day after he arrived to see her. She was going to get the results of the liver scan/test thingy. James would then be able to explain anything his mum didn't understand from the results and also then be able to answer any questions she might have when she was back at home.

To make a long story short. they found spots on his mum's liver, so the cancer has spread. This of course means the surgery is off and now it's just a matter of trying to give his mum whatever we can to fight against the the war that is and will be raging within her both physically and mentally. His mum is being very stoic about the whole thing and it's what we would have expected knowing his mum's general demeanour. James is actually quite calm. I think once again with his medical background he is in some ways shutting down the emotional side of all this and is looking at the situation from a clinical stand point. Now that's not to say he is being all cold and heartless. He could would of course never do that to his mum. He just needs to sometimes be clinical so he will be able to give his mum the best information and advice he can give her when she asks. As it also happens James has started his Masters degree in Adult Education and that goes a long way when it comes to a form of distraction.

So to wrap this real bummer of a post we are concentrating a lot on home and life in general. In my case I suppose not writing as many posts is wrong and I should be writing even more so not unlike James and his school work I can distract myself. We are both trying very hard to ignore the big pink elephant in the corner of the room. Thing is; it's not going to go away and we know it.

Here we go again...

Alrighty then, now that we are pasted the whole countdown excitement, it's time to get back to some regular posts which has to be a good thing, right? I mean you know how brilliant I am at writing jaw-dropping, earth shattering, colour-laden, mind-numbing and down right interesting posts, don't you? Given that knowledge I wanted to wait a day or so to let you come down from the high I'm sure that many of you were on from the unveiling of the countdown surprise. So let's get to a new nail-biting post.

Now do you remember a little over a year and a half ago when all at the same time I was having such a hard time with my feet, our cat had to be put to sleep, my dad died, and James' mum found out she had bowel cancer. You don't remember? Well it doesn't matter because I've just reminded you. Anyway, since then I have found a medication regime that keeps my feet pain at a minimum, we got a new cat, albeit she has issues but let's not go there, my dad unfortunately is still gone but my mum is doing better and moving forward and last but not least James mum finished her 6 months of chemotherapy and was given the all clear. Things are finally getting back to normal.

Well, normal that is until two weeks ago when we got a call from James' brother. I watched and listened to the phone conversation between James and his brother and heard James say things like "Oh no" and "Oh John". All I could think about was that John's dog had passed away, which would have been his second in the past few months. Both dogs were getting up in years so it's not like it was a surprise when the first one passed away. So after James hung up the phone I of course asked what had happened and to my surprise it wasn't the second dog, nope not even close. It was about James' mum. Her cancer has come back!

That's right the cancer is back and this time it's angry. Here we go again. James spent this past week up in Sydney spending time with his mum and helping getting things organised. She is going to have major surgery again which will include her receiving chemotherapy during the surgery itself and then another two days worth right after the surgery while she is still in hospital. She doesn't have a choice about the surgery. Well she does but the other choice isn't such a positive. She was told if she didn't have the surgery she is looking at 6-12 months at best.

James is being very calm about all of this and I think in a way he knows he needs to be because this time it's game on and he will need to make the best of the moments he has with his mum. She goes to the oncologist on this coming Thursday at which time they will discuss what is exactly going to happen and when it will happen. We expect the surgery will be scheduled within the next two weeks. James will be flying up the night before the surgery and plans on staying a few weeks after the fact to help out as best as he can. I will be staying here on the home front holding down the fort. I'm not even going to mention that while all of this is happening James' dad has been in and out of hospital with a nasty infection in his leg that is going septic. Good thing on that note is his dad gets out of the hospital today.

So, that's the newest thing happening in our neck of the woods. All I can say is life happens and as we get older this is how it plays out and it's never any fun. All we can hope is to weather the storm and hope that at the end of it we make it out to the other side. Until next time...

Children...

As many of you may remember we recently became the proud parents to a beautiful new baby iMac. The addition of this newest member to our family makes us a true multi-faceted and international family. There are no prejudices in our home, and be you Australian or American, PC or Mac and everything in between, everyone is welcome and respected. We are very diligent in making sure that all of our children are equally loved and none are shown any preferences. We have never been more tested with that precept than when our gender challenged child was first brought into our home. We want to make sure that each child is made to feel that each is special in their own way without doting on one more than the other. The environment provided these children is one that you would expect to find in any other home in the country. In fact we work even harder considering the complexities of our varied household.

The one thing we have found in raising our children is the incredible amount of diverse products and developmental aids that we purchase and administer. Now we do this most willingly and will continue to provide whatever is be necessary for our children to continue to grow and expand into becoming the best that they can be and to hopefully help them to become functional members of society. Now along with the everyday items we provide each of our children we occasionally need to by something special for an individual child. These "special needs" items do not mean that this child is being treated special or better than the other children it merely means that there may be an item that this particular child needs to enhance their individual development.

Yesterday we bought such an item for our little iMac. James will be soon spending a bit more quality time with her as he will be including her in his journey of obtaining his Masters in Adult Education. Now iMac is ecstatic about being able to help her Daddy Jimmie but before she can do that she needed to get one of those "special needs" items. So yesterday we went out and bought iMac a new toy called Microsoft Office 2008 for Mac. Now iMac is a bright and intelligent little girl and she has been a very quick learner but in order for her to grow and for her to assit her father in his attempt to achieve a higher education than she will need to be able to identify as well as recognise certain files that her father will be using throughout his studies. iMac's new toy will allow her to learn and comprehend all of the documents and formats which she does not recognise at the moment. All in all I think that iMac loves her new toy and now she will be able to help her Daddy Jimmie when he wants to create new documents and even occasionally they may even do some arts and crafts when he creates a power point presentation at which time iMac will get to play with all sorts new colours and pictures. I'm sure that this will be a true bonding experience for the both of them.

Next up finding something new for the gender challenged child. What do you get a hermaphroditic cat?

Merry Christmas, Happy Holidays, etc.etc.etc....

Okay, well this will probably be the last post until after the New Year so I thought I would try something completely different. As you may our may not know we recently became the proud parents to an iMAC. The new baby comes with a very easy to use movie maker (or so I thought). So, I thought I would give it a go and what is to follow is my first attempt at making a video. This take is the best out of like thousands (maybe a bit of an exaggeration) but needless to say it took me forever to even get this one. I tried adding music but then you couldn't here my voice. I suppose you need the music playing in the background when your making the movie. Adding music is more for when you do like a picture slide show. I also hope that the movie isn't that huge of a file. You should be alright if you have broadband. If you don't have broadband it may take a little extra time to view, but again I'm learning. I will keep practicing but until that time, Enjoy...

A great weekend...

I know that the weekend was a few days ago but it is what it is and besides I'm lousy at posting on time. Anyway, we had a great weekend. As you may or may not know we went to Sydney for the weekend. We went up specifically to see Billy Elliot the Musical. The play was brilliant. They did justice to the movie. the music was outstanding, but then why wouldn't it have been seeing that it was written by Elton John. If the play comes to anywhere close to you I suggest you find a way to see this show. My understanding is that it will begin it's tenure on Broadway in 2008.

One thing that was not so great about the weekend was that James' AF (artial fibrillation) acted up and we spent all of Saturday morning at the emergency room. He is fine but it's never a good thing and I hate it when it happens even though James tells me it's not a big deal. I think anytime you end up in the emergency room it might be a big deal. I could be wrong.

The rest of the weekend was full of good food and visiting James family which was nice. I got to see James aunt who is visiting from England. I have not seen her in six years and she was as nice as she was the first day I met her. She is one of those exceptions in so that she has a very strong religious side but she also is extremely accepting and has never judged James or myself or our relationship. she's one of the good ones.

Oh and to start the weekend off just right we bought this, and not only is it pretty but it works better than any windows based PC I've ever had and I would highly recommend it to anyone interested in switching to a Mac.

Thinking of you...

Happy Halloween to every one in the states. I hope you have a frighteningly great evening!

A lesson learned...

I was about three or four years old when I was first taken advantage of and this is how it happened. (This is not a repressed memory so lift your minds out of the gutter and read on) It was either summer or spring because no snow was to be found for as far as my little eye could see or remember. I had on shorts and a T-shirt. I looked the part of a typical little blond-haired blue-eyed boy. My blond hair was that kind that was almost white and I endured being called tow-head for as long as I can remember. There were relatives visiting us that day, specifically my grandparents and my mother’s younger sister. Now my aunt had been born late in my grandparent’s life so she was only a few years older than my older brother and I. My older brother is three years older then I and because he and my aunt were both older they tended to play a lot together leaving me out of the loop. I was too young to play in their reindeer games. (Nod to Rudolph)

I remember that day was typical in that I was left to entertain myself while my brother and aunt did their best to get rid of me. At some point they decided that they were going to go to the store to buy some candy and soft drinks with the allowance they had saved up. They also knew I would not be able to go with them as the store was to far away. I too got a small allowance of five cents a week which to me seemed like a fortune. I don’t remember if I asked them or they approached me before they left but I knew I wanted to go with them and they were not having any part of that. I pleaded and whined as best a small child can plead and whine, but to no avail. However, they did relent and finally told me that they would bring me back something from the store if I gave them my money.

Now five cents was not a lot but as I said to me it was a fortune and in those days we still had penny candy so I knew I could get five pieces of some mouth watering sugar coated delicacy. Even at that young age I knew full well that they might be lying to me. I knew that they might keep my money and I would never see it or the candy. I eventually succumbed to the overpowering urge of soon having a giant Jaw Buster, a box of Boston Baked Beans or several pieces of bubble gum which my mother would surely take away from me as soon as she knew I had any of it especially the gum, but until that time I would enjoy every sweet morsel. I gave them my five cents and made them promise they would bring my prize. They of course said they would and off they went to the store.

Now you know as well as I do that waiting for a present no mater how big or small can seem like an eternity to a small child. I mean it was like waiting for my birthday to come around or worse yet waiting for Christmas morning to arrive to see what Santa had placed under the tree. Needless to say I was not very patient. At some point I started to believe that my brother and aunt had just taken my money and worse yet they had bought the candy I requested and were eating it themselves. I had to do something quickly if I was to ever see my money and/or my candy.

It was at that moment that I decided I would walk to the store by myself and find the thieves and confront them red-handed, so off I went. Now once again being that young my perception of time let alone distance was not that great. The walk to the store felt like it was taking forever and I knew the longer it took the more time those two had to eat all that was mine. Years later I would go past my old house and realise that the store was not all that far away but at the same time it was still way to far for a child to walk to by them self. Anyway, I continued to walk what seem like forever and finally made it to the store. The two thieves were no where to be seen outside the store so I went inside to look for them. This was a kind of five and dime store which had a little bit of everything; it was the Walgreen's of its day. I could not find the two of them anywhere in the store. I searched the candy aisles where I was easily distracted by the feast that surrounded me and eventually I gave up my quest to find the culprits. At some point I decided that they could no longer be trusted to bring what had been promised and I decide to get it myself.

I started to pick up a few of the tasty item before me and then thought maybe I had should venture over to the toy aisle to see what I could procure. I found a set of army men and even though I had some at home I knew I could never have enough and it would be easier to set up my battlefields with more men to create an even bigger army. My hands were full and I figured I best get going because I knew my parents would start to wonder where I was. I headed for the door and had actually stepped outside when a car pulled into the parking space right in front of the door. That car was our car and inside it was my mother and she was not happy.

My mother got out of the car and asked me what I thought I was doing. So I told her what tragedy my brother and aunt, her sister had done to me. I got the feeling she did not believe me. She marched me inside to the check out counter and told the lady behind the counter that I had something to tell her. The woman asked who had something to tell her and my mother pointed down to me. The woman leaned over the counter and there I was my arms loaded down with my ill gotten gains. They woman was very surprised to say the least and as my mother started to poke and nudge me I told the woman what I had done. It seems that I was so small that no one had paid me any attention and I had almost walked away with my treasure but unfortunate for me I was the one that got caught red handed.

I was taken home after apologising to the lady at the store even though I still thought I had done nothing wrong. I also had to return my precious cargo even though I thought it was unfair because the way I saw it I had paid for those things and it was up to my brother to give my money for said items to the lady behind the counter. Anyway, I came to find out that those who would steal from and take advantage of a sweet naive boy had arrived back at the house just shortly after I left and it was they who made my parents aware of the fact that I was no where to be found. In the end for all of my trouble I was the one that got punished not so much for stealing but for walking all the way to the store on my own. I would have thought that stealing would have been a much bigger crime. The moral of that story is if you want something done, do it yourself.

I wrote this long laborious story based on a recent comment saying that maybe I needed to write something about my childhood or past life experiences. Maybe I’ll do better next time.

A blast from the past...

I don't know why I'm posting this, but for some reason I felt the need to share. This post originally occurred on my other web site which tells the story of my life dealing with HIV up to a point. I am sorry to say that the site needs a complete update and I need to finish my story and maybe just maybe I'm feeling the need to do so. Anyway, as I said I'm not sure why I'm posting this but I am. Let me set this up a bit.

The post I'm about to share was written based on a letter I received from my daughter. Now you should know that for the first 13 years of my daughters life I had only seen her once and that was the day after she was born. I had to sneak up to my then wives room and I held my daughter for a precious fifteen minutes. I then had to leave for fear that my soon to be ex-wife's family might show up. Even though my wife and I were divorcing due to the fact that I had finally come to the realisation the I could no longer live a lie about my sexual orientation. I had been battling that dark secret for way to long and at that point there was no way I was going to bring a child into the world and have her see her parents living in a lie. Many people tried to get us to stay together for the sake of the baby but I just couldn't. As I said I would not have my child grow up seeing and feeling the fact that her parents did not actually love one another anymore. I say anymore because I have to be fair that in some way even though inside I knew I was gay I fought so hard against it and I did actually find a woman for whom I could feel love. To this day I honestly do care for my ex-wife. she's a good woman and she raised my daughter to be a very well adjusted young woman and I could not ask anymore than that. We had some how come to a friendly arrangement and I give my ex-wife a lot of credit for she was very wise before her time. My ex-wife and I had agreed that for my daughters sake it would be best for me to stay in the background so as not to confuse the issue. I suppose on reflection it was not the best choice, never the less it was the choice we made.

For the next thirteen years my daughter grew up to be a lovely girl from what little things I found out through various avenues. The how I found out does not matter suffice it to say I found out. My ex-wife had remarried and I even went as far as allowing my daughter to be adopted by my wife's new husband because I thought it was the right thing to do. At the time I did not think I deserved to have a daughter as I was very good at becoming a self loathing gay man, not worthy of proper love, understanding and support from various friends and family. What I did not know was that during all time she was growing up my ex-sister in-law was keeping my daughter in tune with who her real dad was. My sister in law apparently told my daughter everything, including the fact that I was gay. Which she told her only because my daughter pressed her for the answer. Now I could be mad at my ex-sister-in-law for outing me but the truth would eventually have to come out and as it was that would be the impetus for my daughter wanting to meet me. The way I understand it she asked her mother who did not want to say anything about me and my daughter said fine she would find out on her own and eventually got my parents on the phone and talked to them.

In those thirteen years my life changed a lot and during that time I had become HIV+ as well I had buried the first of two partners. I was living with the second partner, when my mother called me to tell me that my daughter had called her and that she wanted to meet me. My daughter asked my mum if she thought I would be okay with meeting with hear after all this time. To say the least I was bit shocked. There had not been a day go by since the day she was born that I did not think about my daughter and wondered how she was or what she was like. Needless to say I said yes I would be more than happy to meet her. I knew in my heart that one day I would have to meet her and she would eventually ask me what happened thirteen years ago and why did I leave. I did not know what she had been told so I would be flying blind but I figured the best way forward would be with honesty. So the day came to meet and my mother had arranged for my daughter, along with my dad, to come to my home. My partner at that time used to be a professional photographer among other things and he was going to take some pictures of my family all together for the first time. Needless to say the meeting was very emotional so much that I can not even convey it here in words. At the end of the day the photos were taken and a new beginning began to form between my daughter and I. Shortly after that meeting I received a letter from my daughter and in that letter was what ended up being the post that I'm about to share with you.

So without further adieu here is that post:

A few weeks ago I wrote my previous column, and I discussed the trials and tribulations of taking all the different medicines I need to help my immune system fight the HIV virus. I often asked myself wondering if it was all worth it. Well several days after writing that column I received a letter from my daughter and I got the best answer as to why I continue to fight this disease. I would like to share this letter with you. I think you'll agree I have a very good reason to fight back against this devastating disease.

Dad, Hi! How are you? I'm just fine. Well I wrote this poem two years ago and never gave it to you. I hope it doesn't upset you, something just told me inside that I should send you a copy of it. Well I gotta go!

Love always & forever, Erin

ps. I just want you to know that I love you with all of my heart even though I haven't known you for all of my life. A girl couldn't ask for a better dad. I'm proud of you & everything you have ever accomplished. I love you daddy!


Is Life Fair?

I just met my dad the other day.
There is so much more that I want to say.

His body is a wilting flower,
Here today, then gone tomorrow.
Yet his spirit is like the ocean.
It waves up and down,
One day calm and the next rough.
I ask myself "Is life fair?",
"Why my despair?"

I think of my wedding day.
How will it be?
Who will give me away?
Who will stand next to me?

He wears a smile.
But inside he is frowning.
I sometimes wonder is he drowning?

My father loves me with all of his heart
I know in spirit that we will never part.
But, it just hurts really bad.

Life is robbing me of my dad.

That letter and poem have stuck with me to this day and in the end here we are in my daughters 25th year and she is all grown up and she's even given me a granddaughter. I've obeyed the doctors and will be lucky to see my 50th birthday this November. I don't know if or when my daughter will get married but at the end of the day if she stills wants me to walk her down the aisle it will be my pleasure. All in all as difficult as it can be I think life is good because I have won this battle so far. Anyway, thanks for reading and now we will return to our regularly scheduled and much more current posts.

I'm the great Uncle Charlie Brown...

...or something like that. What I'm trying to say is I am a new great uncle to my niece's newest edition to her family, and actually her first. I am pleased to introduce Damian Aidan Harris.

Congratulation to my niece Cinde and her man Phil!

A tribute to my father....

This morning I received an email from my niece (Melyssa) and that in itself is not ground breaking, but what was in the email was something of a different matter. My niece is a lovely girl who has always done the right thing. She has always been very close to her grandparents (my mum and dad). Melyssa was at my mum's house pretty much twenty four seven after my dad passed away last September. She has always been very special to me and I don't say that enough. So just what is it that she has said, well it's not what she said it's what she has done. Melyssa has gotten a tattoo on her back in memory of my dad. The tattoo contains my father's initials, date born/passed, and the wings plus start indicative of the US Air Force in which my father served. As Melyssa puts it, "this way grandpa will always have my back" and in some small way he will always look after her. I think this is a beautiful tribute to my father and to my niece I say... Thank You! and I Love You!