Waiting and the unknown...

Hubby just left to fly up and see hi mum. They found out yesterday that the cancer she originally had in her bowel has now spread to her lungs after originally spreading to her liver. As to be expected hubby is very upset. The thing that has been the hardest is the waiting for the inevitable. Cancer is a strange thing sometimes it sneaks up on someone and takes them quickly, and others can get sometime like a few weeks or months and others just hard to tell. Hubby's mum fell in the realm of months. However, she has defied those odds and has been battling for just over three years but it seems that as of just recently the cancer has become more aggressive.

All of the waiting and not knowing when or how bad this will get is taking a toll on hubby. sometime I think it's better if the loved one or dear friend is taken quickly. You may not have been able to say goodbye or I love you, but at least you are not faced with watching the person you care so much for slowly wither away. It's important to remember that someone can be taken from you in a blink of an eye. So you need to always remember to never let a day go by without telling that person how you feel about them. I know that when ever hubby or I leave the house we always say I love you because I would hate to think that something might happen and I didn't get that chance to tell him how I feel about him. Also, believe me when I say that it is the most horrible experience watching a loved one die slowly in front of your eyes because I've been there twice in my life.

I've told hubby he needs to make the most of this time with his mum and that any chance he gets he needs to go up and spend time with her. So, off he went this am and we are left to wait out the unknown. I apologise for such a dreary post but I needed to write about this to feel a bit better.

Hi Ho Hi Ho it's off to Sydney we go...

Well, we're off to Sydney for a few days. I have two doctors appointments on Monday as well as another MRI scheduled of my lower back to see if the problems with my lower back got any worse since I was in hospital a few months ago. If it is worse than we will start a course of steroids to hopefully reduce some of the swelling on the two disc in question. If that doesn't work then I have two options steroid injections or surgery. I have no plans to have the injections because they are way to painful and basically I'm not a big one on pain. I'm sure it will all be just fine.

The other thing the doctor will want to know is how I'm doing since we increased one of my medication a month ago. All I can tell him is that I fall asleep a lot more often and especially whenever I'm stationary for more than ten minutes or sometimes even in mid conversation. I actually fell asleep the other night for an hour sitting on the toilet. Good thing I didn't fall off and hit my head on the bathtub. On top of that I never did what I went in there to do.

They other strange thing is I have these little like mini sleeps where I'm asleep but not asleep and I have these kind of little dreams. When I start to wake up I start to act upon the dream as if it was real. It's hard to explain but extremely freaky. Anyway, I'll ask the doctor about it. We've decide that it was really a good idea that I gave up driving. You can only imagine.

The rest of our time in Sydney will be spent with James' parents so that James gets to spend some more time with his mum. I think it's really important as we don' know how long she will be able to fight this cancer. The doctors said 6-12 months. We are all hoping for 12 and maybe more who knows others have down it.

Okay, I best go finish packing. James is at work. He will be exhausted after doing 4 shifts in a row and it's been a busy three days so far in the Emergency Room. Maybe tonight they will get a break. At least James is on triage so he gets to sit down for a little bit in between patients.

I'll let you know when we get back and who knows I may even have some pictures to share as I'm taking the camera with me. Until then you take care and just Enjoy...

All quiet on the not so western front...

...or eastern front depending on which way your flying to get to us here in the land down under. I'm sorry I have been a bit slack in post as of late but we have been keeping a low profile on this end of the earth. The reason being is that James' mum's cancer has turned into not such good news. The doctors were planing this huge operation which given James' medical knowledge we weren't so sure for 1) they could even do that kind of surgery and 2) if his mum had the surgery it would have been a strong possibility that she would have never survived. None the less even knowing this his mum said she wanted the surgery.

A week and a half ago James' mum had one of a battery of tests and small investigative procedures looking at various areas of her system to see if the cancer had spread. This time they were looking to see if there was any spread and involvement in her liver. James went up last week to spend a couple of days with his mum as he will do more often over the coming months and understandable so. Anyway, he actually had not told his mum he was coming because she of course would have told him not to come and that when she really needed him she would definitely tell him. Given his mum's attempts to have James stay at home so as not to disrupt his work schedule, studies and his life in general; James just figured it would be best to surprise her. As it came out his timing was great because came to find out his mum was going to see the oncologist the day after he arrived to see her. She was going to get the results of the liver scan/test thingy. James would then be able to explain anything his mum didn't understand from the results and also then be able to answer any questions she might have when she was back at home.

To make a long story short. they found spots on his mum's liver, so the cancer has spread. This of course means the surgery is off and now it's just a matter of trying to give his mum whatever we can to fight against the the war that is and will be raging within her both physically and mentally. His mum is being very stoic about the whole thing and it's what we would have expected knowing his mum's general demeanour. James is actually quite calm. I think once again with his medical background he is in some ways shutting down the emotional side of all this and is looking at the situation from a clinical stand point. Now that's not to say he is being all cold and heartless. He could would of course never do that to his mum. He just needs to sometimes be clinical so he will be able to give his mum the best information and advice he can give her when she asks. As it also happens James has started his Masters degree in Adult Education and that goes a long way when it comes to a form of distraction.

So to wrap this real bummer of a post we are concentrating a lot on home and life in general. In my case I suppose not writing as many posts is wrong and I should be writing even more so not unlike James and his school work I can distract myself. We are both trying very hard to ignore the big pink elephant in the corner of the room. Thing is; it's not going to go away and we know it.