I just don't know...

...what to write that is. I seem to be in a void as of late. I'm not writing anything here. I'm not writing anything on Facebook. I missed this months 12 of 12. I'm not even that much interested in the Internet except to check my email and I don't even get that many emails. Of course that could be because I don't send that many emails to anyone else. I wish I knew what my problem is. I am not depressed but I'm as they say just "flat". I got nothin'.

It seems my biggest accomplishment every day is my walk. I've been walking as part of my weight loss regime but even that has come to a halt. I lost 13 kilos (29 ponds), but even that has stopped I need to lose at least 10 more kilos but it's just not happening. I go for a two hour walk everyday. I walk down onto the city and walk through the shopping mall looking at all the things I want but can't afford to buy. I've been looking for work but I can't even get a part-time job selling bed linens to old blue-haired women. When I say part time, I mean casual work filling in when some one calls in sick or they just need an extra hand for the day. It's far from a permanent job and as I said I can't even get that. I suppose maybe I am a bit depressed.

I shouldn't be depressed. I mean I live in a beautiful part of the world. I have a very loving, giving and caring husband, that has stayed with me for almost 13 years. I really want for nothing. Sure, there are things that I would like to have but, nothing I really need. We have a nice place here in the city and a home that we rent out in another place in another city. Both of them are paid for so I'll always have a roof over my head. So why am I whining. Once again I don't even know what to say.

I've got to figure this out but I'm not sure where to even begin. So, I guess I'll get ready for my walk and I'll think about what and where to from here because I'm really tired at being at a loss for words as well as at a loss for what/where my life is headed. Wish me luck...

Well, well, well...

So, here I am back at the blog. I have been really bad at posting over the past few weeks and even months. I know that everyone says that it's my blog and I only have to post when and what I want and if I want. I take that into consideration but I still feel guilty when I haven't posted for a while. So anyway, this will be my lame attempt at a new post. Lest see what I can come up with in some random thoughts.

It's been quiet around here since we got back from Sydney. Hubby is trying to return to some sense of normalcy. He worked the other night for the first time in 8 weeks. I told him that he should ask them to not put him in resus (resuscitation) and sure enough that's where they put him. He said that he didn't ask to be changed because they were short. I still think he could have swapped with some one else but it's a moot point because the shift is over but as I feared there were several resus that evening with one women dying. The fact that she died and was also elderly did not help hubby. Luckily he only had the one shift and he is now off for another 6 days. I hope that in his next set of shifts they will think and take into consideration his recent loss and that they will not make him work in an area that carries a higher risk of losing patients.

Spring is supposed to be here and in ways it has arrived but like most spring weather it comes with warm days but also some cool/cold days as the fronts fight for dominance. The warmer fronts are getting stronger and almost all of the cold fronts are now being pushed back making way fro summer. Summer starts on December 1 here in the land down under. I know that the official start of summer isn't until the 21st December but here it is easier to track the seasons in four distinct sections with three months each. So, summer is, December, January, February, fall is March April, May, winter, June, July, August and spring September, October and November. I have slowly gotten used to everything being topsy turvy having grown up in the northern hemisphere and sometimes it still feels funny especially when it's warm/hot in December and for Christmas. I just tell myself that it's no different than it is for people in Florida or southern California and other places that are normally warm/hot at Christmas. It's just a mind thing. Although, it is really hard to see holiday decorations up with snowflakes and even fake snow on windows. I also have learned to change the traditional turkey dinner for Christmas and opt for a nice seafood buffet with lots of boiled shrimp and salads. Thankfully, all of the baked goods and candies aren't affected by the weather and that's all that really counts isn't it?

A dear friend is coming for a visit. She arrives on the 31st October and yes that is Halloween but not unlike the topsy turvy of the seasons some holidays are also changed. Halloween is not celebrated as a matter of ongoing celebrations here in Australia. So she won't be arriving into a sea of witches, goblins and monsters. Although when you think about it, the clutter of people you have to manoeuvre around at the airport are sometimes just as bad as a pack of monsters and goblins. I will say that there has been a push by certain groups and especially retailers (why am I not surprised) to have Halloween introduced and celebrated just like it is in the states. There are lots of Halloween parties already, but they call them fancy dress parties otherwise know as costume parties. I have over the most recent years actually had a few children show up for trick or treat. So, now each year I buy a couple bags of lollies (aka candy in the states) to have just in case and if they don't show up well you know the fate of the candy and if you don't well then you think about it and get back to me.

Other than those random bits. we continue to wait for springs warm weather to take hold. We continue to heal from recent events. We are also trying to find our pace again and with time we will do just that. Watch this space for new and exciting things to come. Until next time take care, stay safe, and enjoy...

(I'm sure some people wonder what I mean when I say "enjoy". All I'm saying is "enjoy" life and all the things that are around you and part of your life because many and most things are fleeting and I want you to enjoy as much as you can while you can)

Anyone for some random thoughts?

Well another week has passed and it seems that once again the best I can come up with are some random thoughts. However, it seems that you get more out me with the weekly random thoughts than you would if I posted daily. Anyway, lets move on.

I put a few pictures up on Flickr if anyone is interested. One set is all of the pictures I took from our friends wedding which you can see here. The other set is a few pictures I found that I took a few years ago and I thought I would share them. They can be found here. Enjoy...

I continue to look for employment. I received two more "thanks but no thanks" letters. So far it's not looking very encouraging, out of 26 jobs applied for, I have been turned down by 5 of them I'm still waiting to hear something from the others other than "thank you for your application we will get back to you shortly". We will be patient and persevere but it's not easy.

This is the last week of summer and based on the temperatures it looks like it is going out with a bang. We are going to have a few really warm days and some thunderstorms. Summer has been basically pretty mild this year until this last month and mother nature finally turned up the heat most of the month.

As mentioned last time, hubby has been working in the yard. He planted some new grass seed in an area that gets very little sunlight in the winter and as such moss actually grows where the lawn should be so in the summer most of that area is pretty crap. So hubby dug up the top layer and replaced it with new soil, tossed out some grass seed and we now have a wonderful new patch of lawn. In saying that now because that new patch looks so great hubby says he will need to do the rest of the lawn but like this last section he will do it in stages.

I might have mentioned that we are going to Sydney next month (March) so I can see my neurologist for a 3 month review of the progress made on getting the feeling back in my legs. I think that it will be another bit of improvement over last time except we have a new problem. It seems that the neuropathy in my feet has decided to rear it's ugly little head. I don't know if getting the feelings back into my legs has created this problem or not. I'm wondering that if I'm getting the feeling back in my legs, that because the nerve paths are waking up, is it a new way for the damaged nerves to send out the incorrect messages using the re-awakened nerve pathways in my legs? All I know is that they started hurting about 2 weeks ago. I thought maybe it was just a bad day but it has turned out to be 14 bad days in a row so something is happening. We'll just have to wait and see what the doctor has to say.

The bushfire continue to burn in Victoria. Such a tragedy so many innocent lives and they continue to add to the death toll I hope it stops soon...

On a happier note I'm sure that I've talked about the great food we have here in Tasmania. The fresh fruits and vegetables are some of the best in the world and I'm not just saying that because I live here but apparently it's the truth. December and through to late February is cherry season and the cherries grown here are so plump, dark and sweet. I can't stop eating them. I have been eating them every day now since like the middle of December. They are finally starting to dwindle in their taste, plumpness and overall quality as their growing season comes to an end but not to fear the ever so lovely blueberries have started to come into season. Berries in general seem to grow well here. I think it's the temperate climate that helps, that and the fresh air and clean water. We get fantastic blueberries, strawberries, raspberries and blackberries which a lot of the blackberries are just growing wild as opposed to the others being farmed. You can see people on the sides of the roads collecting wild blackberries. Anyway I've switched to blueberries and now they are my daily treat.

Well on that sweet note I think I've rambled on enough and besides my random brain has called it a day. Well actually just the morning but as far as the post is concerned I'm all out of things to say. So, I'm done until next time take care and I'll see you next week unless something really exciting happens in between and if it does you'll be the second ones to hear about it, right after hubby. See ya....

Random thoughts again....

It seems that posting random thoughts is the best I can do at the moment but at least it's a post. So here goes...

First and foremost Happy Valentines to my Hubby. I'm so glad I found you. You are my rock. I can't imagine my life without you and I know that our future together is solid. So in front of all that read this let them know that "I Love You and always will."

On a more serious note. Well not that my love for my hubby isn't serious because believe me it is dead serious but on another serious topic. I am heartbroken about the bushfire's on the mainland that have devastated the state of Victoria. The loss of so many innocent people. So many others who have lost their homes and everything that made up there lives. The loss of native animals as well as domestic. It's all so very sad. We have all been affected by this disaster and hope that soon it will end.

Job hunting continues and it is extremely frustrating. I keep applying but as of yet no interviews. As I might have mentioned before out of all the applications I've submitted I've only been turned down by two which leaves like twenty plus that have not said no but they also haven't said yes so there is still hope.

Hubby has been busy in the garden lately. I think he is trying to do two things. One he wants to get things done out there before his school starts again which will be Monday after next. Two I think he is doing a number of things getting the garden ready for autumn/winter. He likes his gardening as do I it's very relaxing and at the same time very rewarding.

A very dear and old friend recently visited. She has known hubby since forever. It was her first visit to our home since we moved to Tasmania. I, as did hubby, really enjoyed her short but sweet visit.

Hubby is going up to Sydney on Tuesday to see his parents. His mum is having a hard time with her chemo and the resulting loss of her hair so he thought he might be able to cheer her up. Mom if you are reading this and I know that you do. You know that if it was as easy as a two hour plane trip I would be doing the same for you but unfortunately it's a 20+ hour plane trip to come to see you so it's not that simple but it will happen. We just have to make sure that when it does we make the best of it.

I go up to Sydney in March to check in with the neurologist to see how the nerves in my legs are progressing since the back "surgeries". I think that they will be better than last time although there are still a few problems but as the doctor said last time it will take several months before we know the total impact of the surgeries.

Well that's it from me for now so I'll leave it at that. I hope that you get to share Valentines day with the one you love and even if you are single than be kind and love yourself. Take care and enjoy the day.

Complete and utter randomness...

Today, because it's raining outside and I'm tired and I will probably crawl back to bed after I type this, all you're going to get are a bunch of complete and utter random thoughts. So here goes. I've applied for thirteen jobs so far I've only gotten two rejection notices. My worst nightmare is that the other twelve will all want to interview me and it will be for the same day or on the other hand they could all turn me down like the first two. We shall see. There are a lot of jobs that I could apply for but don't simply because I know it's not the right thing to do. What I mean is I could apply for a job at a fast food outlet but I won't. It's not that the job is beneath me but realistically I know as does the employer that I will never stay in the position. There is no incentive for me and I would get bored, hence leaving a month later. It's not fair to the employer or me.

All the kids in the neighborhood go back to school on Monday and I couldn't be happier. I think they should have to go to school year round and only get time off for good behaviour. Now that sounds like a mean old man talking and you're right. All summer long their running around yelling and squealing. They climb to top of the back fence to play peek-a-boo. They're lucky I've given up nude sunbathing. I'm just sayin'. All summer whenever we've tried to go out and do something like catch lunch somewhere or tried to go shopping they are every where running and screaming and they worst part is that their parents are completely oblivious to this behaviour. Maybe it's the parents I should take a stick to???

Since the kids are going back to school that of course means autumn is right around the corner. Boy the time sure does fly rather you're having fun or not. I heard that as you get older time seems to go by faster and that really does seem to be the case. In reality I think that when we are younger we are just oblivious to the notion of time and are concentrated on having fun and enjoying life. Where as when we get older we are very conscious of the time and now that we live in the real world and not that of a child, life is not all fun and games so time is suddenly an enemy. It's an enemy because we are getting older and those birthdays seem to come around faster each year and we don't have enough time to have fun anymore because we are working so hard to keep ourselves afloat with the car, house, and food bills. When we do get some time off we either can't afford to go somewhere to get away and relax or if we do we worry about the fact that we have to go back to work at the end of seven days and how we are going to pay for this holiday that I've put on my already maxed out credit card. Not to mention that we're older and time is flying and, well you understand.

I will miss summer. I hate the heat but if the summer can be mild and the temperatures can stay like in the 21-24C range (70-75F for all of you over there in USA land) then it wouldn't be so bad. I love all of the flowers that summer brings and now living in a temperate climate the flowers just bloom like madness. I also love having the windows open and letting a nice breeze run through the house. I love being able to hang the clothes outside to dry in the sunlight and air. There's nothing nicer than the smell that your clothes get from being dried outside in the summner breeze. It's not that I can't also dry them outside when winter comes it just takes longer. You know summer 2-3 hours winter 2-3 days.

Autumn officially arrives here in the land down under at the end of the month. I know it's not official according to all of the calendars but I think it just work out easier for Aussies instead of starting and stopping a season in the middle of the month or to be more exact three quarters of the way through a month. I mean it makes sense to me and it's a lot easier to remember. Now some of you might argue that it's very easy to remember (I'm going to use Northern hemishpere examples here) that winter starts December 21 and springs starts March 21st. I bet if you asked most people when does winter begin. I bet a lot of them would say December 1st. As well ask them when summer begins they would say June 1st and so on. I think mainly it has to do with markers, like in Autumn most people think that Autumn starts over Labour Day weekend, hence September 1 and not the 22nd of September. Kids are going back to school and Labour Day is here so is must be the beginning of Autumn. Well here, I think Aussies just simplified it and made the beginning of each season the beginning of a month so Autumn starts March 1, Winter on June 1 Spring September 1 and Summer on December 1. Now isn't that just easier to remember? Well I think so.

Last but not least not only does fall official start here in 22 days but March 1st will also be important for a very a special reason. What may you ask will that reason be? Well, I'm not going to tell you. Unless you already know then it doesn't matter, but just don't tell anyone else and make them wait until I tell them. In a way it's like you have a secret too

I'm outta' here so take care, stay well and as each day goes by try to take just a little time to Enjoy the day. (bet you thought I was going to say to Enjoy the View, As if)

p.s. if you see any typos please feel free to correct them yourselves. Thank you...

Holiday madness....

Goodness gracious, I just did not think I was ever going to get over here and post something. I mean with all of the presents that had to be bought, putting up a tree, decorating the rest of the house including lights on the outside and to top it off baking a few dozen Christmas cookies, I just have not stopped. Hell who am I trying to kid? I'm lucky I got the tree up period the way I have been feeling. I knew you would never buy this lame ass excuse for not posting but I still had to try.

There's not much holiday madness going on around this house this year. I'm guessing that it could be the same in many houses. Times are tough. I know that the US has a new President (elect) and we have a new Prime Minister here in Australia and hopefully soon things will start to change but that will take time. The economy will take even longer probably, based on what I hear it will be at least two years before things start looking better in that department. It's just really hard to get all revved up into the holiday madness.

I know that some people unfortunately feel this way every year. The thing is, I'm not usually one of them. I love Christmas. I love the tree, the ornaments, the lights both inside and outside the house, the music and all of the baking that goes with Christmas not just the cookies. Did you notice I didn't add present to that list? You see presents aren't the key to this season. Now don't get me wrong I like getting gifts as much as the next person and I like giving them even more but to be honest it's the wrapping paper that excites me more than what is inside the box. I know I'm pathetic but it's true and that will be the way I'll always feel. That is if I can get the holiday spirit back.

I lost it a two years ago after my dad passed away but then I thought to myself "What would dad want you to do?" and sure enough I knew that he would want me to get on with Christmas like I had always done. That included the tree and decorating the house inside and out. The economy is/was still tight so not so much wrapping of presents but hey what's wrong with filling a few empty gift bags with paper and setting them under the tree and/or wrapping a few empty boxes to at least make it look festive. At least that one present I can afford doesn't look so lonely.

In the end I tried back then and that's what I have to do now. I won't be baking as there aren't enough people around here to eat it all and personally I need to lose some weight. There won't be any lights outside because it is summer here in Australia and because of that it stays light outside until nearly ten o'clock so by that time it will be almost time to go to bed and I can't afford to leave the lights on all night. So the best the outside will get is a nice wreath for the door, which it has. The tree has gone up but it only made it up a few days ago, none the less it is up. As for the presents, well as I said a few strategically placed bags and boxes and that one present looks right at home.

All in all it's going to be just fine. I always told/tell my mum that Christmas is not about all of the hype. It's about you and what's in your heart. To do all of the things I just talked about is great but you need to do it for the right reason and that is to do it first and foremost for yourself. You don't have to do it the way the world thinks you should with a tons of lights and presents etc. Just find the thing/s that make you smile inside, the rest will be a little easier. Don't beat yourself up if you can't bake any cookies or buy everyone a present. You'll stay thinner and save some money to pay the electric bill. So it's a winning proposition all the way around the way I see it. Like I said do what you need to do and the rest will just have to take care of itself or at least for this year.

(Just a note: Did I forget to mention that this will also be the 9th anniversary of my partners passing on the 21 December? That always plays a part in how I approach Christmas now a days)